This weekend has been tough one at our home.
But the reason that it's been tough has been different, for my husband then it has been for me.
Friday, we put a member of our family to sleep, for the last time.
For 20 years my husband had wanted a dog and I didn't.
One day my daughter brought this black furball home from a friends house that had just had puppies and asked her dad (kids always know the right parent to ask these kinds of questions) if we could keep her.
Of course, he said yes. It was something he had been wanting too and he knew I would initially be mad, but I would get over it.
I figured if it was something that he had wanted for 20 years that it was time to quit being selfish and realize how much having a dog meant to him.
So I wasn't too mad.
So Daisy Bumpus became a part of our family and has been a part for the last 13 years.
Every time Russ walked in the door, Daisy would be there to greet him and every time he would say, "Hello poo! What's up with you?!" And then he would bend down and she would roll over to receive her favorite belly rub.
He and the kids loved that dog and even though 4 of my 5 kids (I still count my nephew who lived with me for nine years as mine) aren't living at home anymore it's been tough on them.
But, it's been especially tough on my husband. I truly think he has been as sad as if he had lost me.
(Here's the raw and real part that I hope won't change how you think of me.)
I on the other hand am somewhat relieved, honestly.
I tolerated Daisy for 13 years. Yes, that word sounds terrible but it's true.
I would say, "I have a dog because I love my husband, not because I love dogs."
I took her on walks.
I would pet her.
I made sure she was fed.
I didn't like it when she was sick.
But I never bonded with her.
After seeing how deeply this has affected my husband, I keep asking myself, why am I only a little sad, am I that heartless?
But as I write this I am glad that my 13 year trial that I did because I knew how much she meant to him and the kids is over.
I'm looking forward to no more dog hair on the counters, when I go to make a meal.
Now when the kitchen floor is mopped it will actually be clean, because no matter how much I vacuumed up the hair up before it was mopped, there was still always some left.
No, I am not what some would describe a clean freak by any means.
But she shed, alooooot! And I admit it, I hated that part of having a dog.
"Am I a heartless person?"
No, I love people!
What I do as a career I do because I love to help people let go of who they aren't so they can see the truth of who they are.
My mission is to empower others to live their mission by helping them remove the blocks and limiting beliefs that are in their way.
SO WHAT IS IT??????
WHY AFTER 13 YEARS DID I NEVER GROW TO LOVE DAISY LIKE MY HUBBY AND KIDS DID?
This is especially perplexing because as I was driving yesterday, I felt her and my dad with me.
Why would she be with me, when I didn't really even like her?
Then it hit me. Her and my dad were there for two reasons.
First, when I was a little girl my dad raised sheep for awhile.
So, my dad would get a dog to help herd the sheep and I would play with it, most of the day infact ,when it wasn't with my dad.
And then in a month or so it would be gone.
I don't even remember what I was told as to why the dog was gone then, but I found out later that because the dog wasn't working out at being good at herding sheep, my dad didn't want it around if it "couldn't earn it's keep" and would shoot it.
This happened at least twice.
So in the car as I muscle tested, good thing there is no law about muscle testing and driving. LOL, and asked if this is why they were there I got "yes".
It held strong that my dad was sorry and that I needed to work on my 2" heart-wall that I have created with animals and that there was also generational work to be done as well.
I very much feel that daisy is still living, and is now an angel to our family.
I feel her now as I am writing this blog.
Daisy, thank you for being such a good, sweet dog.
No matter how much I ignored you at times you never held a grudge or got mad.
You and my Savior are my examples of what pure love really means.
Something I obviously still have work to do around.
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And always remember, you are of infinite worth and value!
Don't let your ego mind, or anyone else let you believe otherwise!
Love and light!